Day 14234, & this one's just for fun...

So, I will probably get another post or 2 in before I leave for L.A., but this was just too funny not to share...

We have been getting a crazy number of scam attempts at the restaurant lately, as has everyone else. Relay calls (for the deaf) are a particular favorite, but emails are still popular too. I have no idea who actually falls for these things, but I assume there is a success rate, however small.

I received this the other day, twice:

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KELLY ANDERSON to jscott, nashville show details Oct 30 (3 days ago)

AM KELLY ANDERSON BY THE NAME I HAVE A BIRTHDAY COMING UP ON THE 13TH OF NOVEMBER 2010 AND I HAVE SOME INLAWS COMING,SO I WILL NEED SOME(CRAB CAKE) FOR ABOUT 150 GUESTS THAT ARE COMING SO CAN I GET THE PRICE PER PERSON AND THE TOTAL PRICE FOR THE PEOPLE TO FEED INDIVIDUAL BOXES VATEBOXES NOW SO I CAN GIVE YOU THE CARD TO CHARGE THROUGH SO CAN YOU MAKE IT FOR ME ON THE THAT DATE AROUND 2PM THE ORDER WILL BE PICK UP BY MY PRIVATE SHIPPER SO I WILL LIKE YOU TO GET BACK TO ME ONCE YOU RECEIVE MY MAIL OKAY AND I ALSO WANT YOU TO GET BACK TO ME WITH YOUR FAX NUMBER AND YOUR DIRECT NUMBER AND I ALSO WANT YOU TO GET BACK TO ME WITH YOUR MENU IF YOU DO NOT HAVE CRAB CAKE SO THAT I CAN GIVE GIVE YOU MY CHOICE AND IF YOU HAVE CRAB CAKE YOU CAN GET BACK TO ME WITH THE TOTAL COST SO THAT I CAN GIVE YOU MY CREDIT CARD TO CHARGE FOR EVERYTHING OKAY BYE FOR NOW STAY BLESS.
BEST REGARD
KELLY ANDERSON

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Not only did I receive this email twice at 2 different addresses, but there were 2 other restaurants copied into the address bar on each one.

I replied...

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Dear Ms Anderson,

First, let me commend you on your mastery of the English language. Obviously, this achievement would explain your use of all capital letters, as you are so excited to thrill us with your prose. Kudos.

Second, might I suggest that you do not copy more than one restaurant into the address bar at a time. It really makes your request seem less than valid. After all, with three restaurants copied here, it would imply that you needed crab cakes for 450 guests. That's a really big party! You must be very popular. I would assume that you are combining your birthday celebration with some sort of book release, as I have already commented on the fact that you are a gifted writer. I wish I was that talented and popular.

The cost of your crab cakes, from me anyway, will be $8,750,000.95. Unfortunately, I will not be able to accept your credit card information over the internet. This is for your own safety. We wouldn't want some foreign scam artist to intercept your personal information and use it fraudulently, would we? I will be happy to accept a certified bank check. We still have a few weeks for your birthday, so feel free to drop that in the mail at your convenience.

Given your loyalty to our businesses, I would also like to send you a birthday gift. Feel free to give me a hint about the special something that you have had your eye on for awhile. In this poor economy, I know that you have probably just been sitting on all your free cash, like the rest of us. Let me help you brighten your day. Just send me your home address and I will get that present right to you. If you can't think of anything, I am sure I can think of quite a few special things that you deserve.

Thanks again! Look forward to hearing from you!

Chris

p.s. FUCK OFF!

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So, there you have it. It is always important to hold onto your sense of humor...

Day 13954, & blogging is hard...

So, maybe it isn't hard, per se; but, like exercise, it is a regimen that is very easy to dismiss.

Can I just get away with saying that nothing has happened?

No?

OK, first things first:




I have been wanting to go to Coachella for the last 5 years. My dearest friend Lori, along with her husband, have been inviting me out year after year and something always seems to get in the way (something equals work, more often than not) and I never go. This year, I decided that "Fuck it!" was the only excuse I needed. I bought my plane ticket to LA a few weeks ago and I used AMEX points to buy my 3 day Coachella pass. Lori's friend Brian, whom I met last summer at All Points West, will pick me up in LA and drive me out to Indio.

And then, well, there's the house, with the pool, in the desert. Of course, that doesn't suck. While the fact that I am the only one arriving solo pretty much relegates me to the couch, I assume it also obligates me to a very small chunk of the total lodging bill.

So, I really couldn't afford not to go to Coachella this year. It was an easy choice, despite being the 3 days before Jay's birthday, but that is a story for another post...

It was also easy to justify the trip after we made it through the 3rd semi-annual Restaurant Week in Nashville. I was riding a high as the owner of 2 restaurants with new sales records. I am sure you can imagine, that doesn't suck...

But, you know what does suck? The fallout.

I have made many a joke over the last 20 years about the one problem with working in restaurants. That problem, I always said, was the customer. You know the one. Person comes in, person asks for things, person expects everything to be right, person is condescending on occasion, person wears stupid Christmas sweater, blah blah blah. Annoying, right? But, now? Well, I realized, as any future owner would, that this customer, this guest, is also the reason for the rest of the things that were great about working in restaurants. They pay the bills, they tip the servers, they tell you how to do your job better. As a clever and sincere feedback collector, I basically get a performance evaluation everyday.

And then? Well, then came the internet...

The internet allows even the dumbest of people the opportunity to offer up their opinion on anything. The phase "knowing a little about a lot of things" comes to mind. They don't have to visit twice for a bad review. They don't have to offer up their opinion while being asked. They need not be bothered with any type of civil, proper, or professional discourse. No, no, no. Why bother allowing you to know what they think? Why bother to allow you the opportunity to correct the issue? Hell no! It is a whole lot more fun to go home and trash somebody's business on the internet!

Because, you know? I probably could have corrected that issue in 2 minutes with another steak (and I'm sorry about the gristle, but I didn't think to cut into your food repeatedly before delivering it to you). Had you allowed me that opportunity, I guess your post would have to rest on your actual writing. And well? We wouldn't want that, would we?

Don't even get me started on Yelp, Urbanspoon, etc. I remember the days when all you had to worry about was a food review. Now, it is a daily struggle. And, by the way, if your name in Anonymous, then you might as well jump out in front of a bus, because you are obviously too pathetic to live in the world with the rest of us. Feel free, in the meantime, to let me know where you work...

Don't get me wrong. If we fuck up, I will be the first to admit it. If something is bad, call me out on it. If I fail to correct an issue, write all about it. Just please remember that we are just a bunch of people that are trying to make other people happy. This isn't the motherfucking culinary jihad. If there is one going on out there, count me out!

So yeah, fuck it! I'm going to Coachella!

Now, I know why you are still reading this rant. You want to hear all about my running and how well I am doing.

Well, I picked running back up last September. I built my mileage up very slowly this time around. I started with time based out and backs. Run easy for 15 minutes, turn back. When that seemed inadequate, I started setting distance goals. I allowed for weekly increases of 10% or less.

I was so careful.

I stretched. I iced, I rested, I stretched some more. (if anyone even whispers the words cross training, I will punch you in the face!)

I registered for the ING Half Marathon in Atlanta in March and then bam! Injury! Awesome! Yea, me!

Fuck it! I'm going to Coachella!

I have been dealing with posterior shin splints in my left leg for 3 weeks. Self diagnosed, but all too familiar. Rest usually works, but how can I rest my calf during Restaurant Week?

Anyway, I am happy to be back on the road, so to speak. 3-4 miles, every other day, seems to be my current limit while the calf gets its act together.

So, it seems that blogging is indeed just like exercise. I will just sink back in slowly, avoiding injury, while I get my act together. I really doubt that you would have had any interest in sharing the misery over the last 12 months anyway...

Day 13599, & WHAT THE F*@K!!!

So, first, I submit Exhibit A.

And next, as Exhibit B, I will only say that the bankrupt developer owes us over 6 figures in tenant improvement allowances for our new restaurant.

Anyone want to visit? I think I need a hug...

Day 13592, & here I am...

So, I just missed the one year anniversary of this blog.

I started writing on January 25, 2008. I used to post quite a bit more frequently. I used to feel like I had something to say.

My how things change...

I would like to make it official. I am now a victim of the failing economy. No, we are not going out of business. Yet. However, a Wachovia snafu with the developer of our building is messing up my cash management plan.

Let me say this. I hate banks. I especially hate LARGE banks. I bank at the Delta Community Credit Union. I cannot stand that we are sucked into the financial debacles of the floundering banks simply by association. Bitches!

Now, all said, I wouldn't really mind any of this if we were busier. In fact, a bit of default on the landlord's side would be quite handy in the long term. If we were busy, many of my worries would dissolve. But, we're not busy. We are the exact opposite of busy.

Imagine, if you will, how much it would suck to work 70 hours a week, every week. I know, I know. A LOT of people work this much on a regular basis. I have not had to do this since 2004. I have gotten spoiled. Meanwhile, imagine working 70+ hours, with absolutely nothing to do.

You see, a restaurant is a very boring place to be if there are not many customers dining in it. It leaves me with nothing but ridiculous amounts of very slowly moving time to think about how much food we are going to throw away this week. How much open wine are we going to lose? How much is this week's payroll going to hurt? How much business is our other restaurant doing?

Fortunately, the answer to the last question: quite a lot. Even more of my confusion is caused by the fact the the other place has proven to be quite recession resistant. Otherwise, this post would be a farewell post as I skipped town for a new life out west.

Ernest Turnbuckle, by the way, should you need to find me. Just don't tell anyone...

So, I have hired a PR company. That should help. And, the food critic's review should appear in next week's Scene. The jury is out on that one. I can usually tell, but I have no idea what she will have to say. Either way, free press is free and it is press.

Finger's crossed.

Meanwhile, it dawns on me that as I hit one year on the blogscape, I am also due for a running anniversary sometime soon. Though, I have to wonder: Can you have an anniversary after a nearly three month hiatus? Or, is it really more of a starting point? I have a feeling that my first attempts at regaining momentum will be met with much frustration and difficulty. And, I really hate difficult. Although, in the world of physics, I should have an easy time maintaining momentum, what with all my newly rediscovered "mass"...

Well, I can just sit back and hope that things begin to stabilize in the sooner, not the later. I can only hope that people decide to come in and try the pretty restaurant on the corner with the fabulous view of Nashville.

I can only hope I can maintain some level of sanity until we make it through all this.

Come on, 2010!

Day 13573, & I know that I suck...

So, my blog is probably reader-less now.  I deserve nothing more.

I am actually quite upset that I have failed to record all that has happened over the last few months.  Honestly, I have accomplished so much.  Sadly, day by day, it all seemed so trivial.  And, as the recurring thread of my blog, the running, has been non-existent, I haven't had the driver that I need to write.

All said, the restaurant is indeed open.  We opened it on Dec 16th, after a VERY rough test run on the 15th.  Slow and steady will hopefully win the race.  Hopefully, slow is the crucial ingredient of that phrase.

Otherwise, I have little to report.  I have not run since November.  I have not exercised since November.  I am sooooo out of shape.  I can tell my endurance is crap.  I can tell I will have trouble with my first run.

I will be elliptical-ing next week in the AM to ease back into running.  I will hate it.  I will do it, begrudgingly.

I still want to run the CMM full at the end of April.  I will definitely be good for the half, but I don't want to run a crowded half.  I need to do the full.  We'll see.  Training will be a bitch.  I will need to be back up to 20 mile weeks by the first week of February.  Very little time left.

Speaking of very little time, I am going to try Charlie's training method.  Elliptical, bike, and StairMaster.  I recognize the importance of cross training.  I just have no interest in it.  I do, however, find some appeal in the idea that I can do this in the AM at the gym, quickly, each AM.  After all, if the restaurant is open, I am there.  This leaves me only Mondays and Saturdays for any runs of consequence.  With only a day between them, this means 1 long run per week.

Again, we'll see...

I am sorry about abandoning the blog.  I will try to pick it back up.

Later, bitches!

Day 13541, & I am just busy...

So, anybody remember me?

More appropriately, anybody still reading this?

Not that there has been anything to read.  When we last left off, I was throwing a tantrum.  I am happy to report that the tantrum ended quickly.  No time for that.

Anyway, I did go see Madonna again in Atlanta.

It was fantastic.  Apparently, being right next to the stage makes a huge difference in the concert-going experience.

Here is another one.  Isn't she tiny?  

The show was pretty much identical to the Boston show, per usual.  However, staring up Madge's nostrils made for a whole different experience.

When she tours again, I might have issues if my seat is not quite this good.

Meanwhile, despite my travels, the restaurant opens next week.  I would post some current pics, but we seems to make a new mess each day.  Rather than show you how the magic happens, I will wait until we are about to open the doors.  Those pictures should be stunning.

And that concludes my post.  Feel cheated?  You should.  There is so much more to expand upon, in graphic detail.  I just don't have the time.

Oh, and I haven't run since the last week in November.  Should make training interesting when it resumes next month.  Need to get the miles back up...

Miss you!

Day 13437, & I might cry soon...

So, I still can't run.

I tried today.  I went to the gym.  I stretched for 15 minutes.  I did 2 miles on the elliptical machine.  I moved to the treadmill and warmed up for 5 minutes.  And then, I tried to speed up.  The limp came in about 3 minutes, at a 10:00 minute pace.

I will miss my 10K next Monday.  I will not be trained to race the Murfreesboro Half, even  if I am healed properly.  And the full, well, why bother thinking about that now.  I can't even run to the end of my street...

I am unable to run, race, train.  I am currently unable to let go.  Unable to escape.

Meanwhile, Biden just said, in his convention address, that if you try, you will succeed.  BULLSHIT!  I tried to run today, but I didn't succeed.

That is a post for another time...

Ever notice that I try to stay clear of the politics here?

I have also been interviewing managerial candidates for the new restaurant.  Almost all are mediocre.  A few are passable.

One of the decent ones?  Yeah, he sent me a rejection letter today.  Mind you, I did NOT offer him a position yet.  I don't know that I would have.  Neither here nor there, though.  He told me no.  Nice...

So, I might cry soon.

I am going into what might be one of the most difficult moments of my life.  I am not bitching.  I am stressed.  I am scared.

I am learning.

When we opened the last one, we had nothing to lose.  This time is different.

I am learning fear.

Scary.

I am done here.

Wonder what the "messiah" is going to do for me...

Day 13220 & I am suddenly 13219 days behind...

So, I have decided that I should start a blog.

Why? I have no idea. I know that it is not because I have soooo much free time that I might as well spend it in front of a computer. I also know that it is not because I feel that I should justify my parent's $125,000 sacrifice for my college education and my English major.

Rather, I think that I am starting to realize that at age 36 (13220 days, give or take a few for the leap years that I am too lazy to allow for), I am officially an adult. As such, the life I live now is apparently going to be the only one I get; therefore, I might as well start writing it down.

In all honestly, I think that jealousy might also play a tiny, almost minuscule role in what I have to confess is a self-indulgent pastime. You see, my long lost friend Nat has been blogging for the past several years. As I have navigated through her days with a click of the mouse, I sense that she has managed to turn this writing into something therapeutic. I also sense that over the last 10 years (3652 days), my writing skills have been on the decline. Her writing skills, meanwhile, have been honed to the level of a professional.

So, yes, basically I have started a blog as some kind of ridiculous competition with a friend (& dare I say former girlfriend, though barely...) who I have not seen in the last 15 years, who is married, has two kids, and has no idea that this competition even exists.

What? That is why most people blog, right?

Additionally, I should hope that somebody might find some of the aspects of my "glamorous" life to be somewhat entertaining. After all, I do own a successful restaurant. I am about to open another successful restaurant (please god, please let the second restaurant be successful...), and I have been involved with my partner Jay for the duration of this this century and the tail end of the last one (5215 days). That is quite a set of achievements, if you ask me. And those of you that know Jay would not even dream of asking, as you know exactly what an achievement he is...

So, yeah, this is my blog. We'll see how this goes.