Day 14125, & I got my groove back, then promptly misplaced it...

So, I have been an independent restaurateur for almost 7 years now. Crazy, I know...

10 years ago, I would have told you that I was going to have several restaurants by 2010. 15 years ago, I was going to go to law school and leave the restaurant business behind.

I bailed on the law school thing for three reasons. First, I don't really do well with logic problems of the LSAT variety. I am an excellent standardized test-taker. Those problems though? They suck me in and I loose time when I start to obsess over a question. Second, I quickly realized that I was romanticizing the back-to-school experience. Law school was not going to be the financial walk in the park that undergrad was. After all, I don't think dad was really going to help me out by paying the mortgage and giving me a monthly allowance so that I could study more effectively by removing work from the equation. And, despite many a hint from me, he never offered up tuition money either.

Mainly though, I knew too many people that had gone to law school. And those people? Not practicing law. Hummm... What does that tell me? Well, at the time, it told me that practicing law isn't all that it is cracked up to be. And really, who wants to work 75 hours a week for a sizable paycheck that you can't spend because you never take a vacation or have time to do anything with your money?

So, I stayed in the restaurant business, where I worked 75 hours a week for 30-40K annually. Wait a minute...

The first few years of our first restaurant went so well that we knew we had to do it again. That process ended up taking quite a bit of time and result in restaurant 2 opening in worst economy of my memory. Clearly, if you've read my rants here, you know my life has been a struggle ever since.

Things turned around though at the beginning of this year. We started to see an upswing. It wasn't like we were taking home buckets of cash or anything; but, we did get to start taking paychecks again. The feedback got better and the renewed sense of optimism really created an entirely different atmosphere at #2.

Cue flood and summer....

Now we are back in the bad place again. It is hard to have a positive outlook when you bust your ass for nothing. At least, it seems like nothing. And while Jay and I take turns on the let's-just-give-up front, we seem to have reached the conclusion that we are both not allowed to stand on the cliff at the same time. Inspiring teamwork, if you ask me.

Now, faced with financial and staffing challenges, we are forced to focus, to re-think, to evaluate. I no longer think I am going to own five restaurants. I don't always want to own the two I've got. Sometimes quitting just seems easier. It's only money, right? It's just that the idea of risking everything again to open another is way too scary. Way too crazy...

Over the last few weeks of training, I have found myself feeling the same way about running. I struggle and push up my mileage. I see results. I panic at the idea of injury. I blame heat and humidity for failed runs. I.want.to.quit. But the quitting? Not my fault. The failure is not mine to own. Maybe I should have stuck with the law thing because nothing is ever my fault...

From the time I was a kid, I never thought I would be a runner, or any kind of athlete, for that matter. Even when I started running, almost two and a half years ago, I said that I could not ever imagine running a marathon. Why would anyone want to do that to their body? Why would anyone want to run for that much time? But, your outlook changes over time.

Last week was rough. I have all but discarded my original training plan. The time suck that is work seems to prevent any real plan from materializing. I just squeeze workouts in where I can. I seek motivation wherever I can. I just trudge along.

And every now and then, I find a glimmer of hope in a run. A strong 10 miler. A dreadmill recovery run that ends up turning into a 6 mile interval run. Even a cross training day that can be classified as nothing but the most boring, mindless, waste of time ever to exist can prove to be fulfilling, if for no reason other than the fact that I can say I did it.

I have learned that I run because I love it, despite the obstacles. It makes me happy. I will do whatever it takes to become stronger, faster. No matter how unpleasant, I will be glad that I did it when I come out the other side.

As Jay and I sat down yesterday to discuss all of our work related nightmares, I remembered why I am in this business. The problem solving makes me happy. The results are rewarding. I love what I do. Because my job? Being nice to people. Problem solving. That's a pretty easy job if you think about it.

Now is just another time to focus and make it through to the other side a little stronger.